Sanity Check

As I continue to creep into middle age or deny the fact I am already there, I have “moments” where my lucidity is put into question. Have I been told this piece of information before and forgotten it? Have I locked that door?-even though I am 95% sure I already locked it. Have I forgotten some place important I am supposed to be today or forgotten to make a call? It is these doubts that lead me to the paranoia I felt yesterday when my sanity was checked at least 3 times…

  1. Closet light:  When I open my closet door (not a closet shared with my wife), the light automatically comes on.  When I close the closet door, I need to make sure it is closed snugly.  If I don’t, the door will gradually assert itself and the door will open up fully or at least enough for the light to come back on. (The switch is near the hinges.  When the door is open far enough, the switch is no longer pressed.)    Once I noticed the light was on in my closet, I searched my brain for which visit to my closet may have caused this failure.  Fortunately, a query to the living room where my daughters were sitting received a quick, “I am sorry, dad.  It was me.”  My brain wins one of the days battles!!
  2. Van:  As I walked out of the house into our garage, I was quite surprised the car was parked so poorly.  I knew I had ran errands in that vehicle that morning.  And, as far as I knew, I was the last person to drive the car.  There were a couple of “things” messed up at the front of the garage that would have become more easily accessible should the care have been backed out.  Thankfully, as I walked out the garage entrance, my fears were quickly put at rest.  My wife was trying to be a good hostess for my daughter’s class party.  She had hauled out the corn hole game after backing out the car.  My son and her were playing a round of corn hole.  And, it was good they did.  None of my daughters friends had an interest.  When they were not swimming, they played a game of 4-Square with an egg-shaped ball.  (The dog had bit a hole in the “better” ball.)
  3. Door closed:  Since the house was full of “partiers” (AKA swimmers) and with the temperatures not being excessively warm, we were using our screens and not our regular doors…..this was until it was determined the screen were of a design that most people were not able to learn how to intuitively use.  Prior to that, however, I walked toward the garage to see the screen was left wide open.  With the mosquitoes and flies attempting to join our family and live under our roof, I felt an incredible amount of guilt immediately–I thought for sure-despite the previous false alarms-I finally found evidence of my fluctuating sanity.  My son’s presence in front of the dog’s cage provided a near immediate, “Sorry, dad.  I forgot to close the door.”  While not explicitly requested, the implied need for an explanation was enough to again put my mind at ease.

I list these as examples of how I am certain I am not wandering down a road of mental uncertainty.  The problem is the mere writing of this posting gives evidence not all of my decisions are explained away by someone else’s failure.  I tend to vote more quickly for, “to much on my mind” rather than a precursor to gaffes related to lessening mental acuity.  Should the latter win, my blog will someday provide a daily reminder of the brain I once had.  Exciting, huh?

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