As I got up out of my chair after finishing my book at 11:30, my head was spinning. Not being prone to many headaches, my first thoughts are, “I must be sick.” And, when you are sick during a pandemic, it doesn’t take long to think you have COVID. But, this isn’t the first time I have had “COVID”. I believe it was the 4th or 5th time since the pandemic started.
With my next stop being bed, it is little wonder I didn’t fall asleep immediately.
- I thought of the irony of the wedding reception we didn’t go to that day. I thought it was people like me who caused me to be concerned about attending the reception. However, sitting in the balcony does give you a view of the wedding not available to those below. It went through my mind how many people I might have exposed if we attended the non-socially distanced wedding reception. Then I flipped over in bed and tried to think about something else.
- I tried to think, “Who could I have gotten it from? Could I get it from my kids? They have been asymptomatic, but one of the boys gave it to us?” I was at a complete loss of any other way I could have gotten it. I play the mask game as well as anyone. I remove my mask just after exiting, and I put it on just before entering. I am an unwilling participant in an apparently losing effort to reduce the spread.
- After I woke the first time, I flipped over and I was still slightly dizzy. And, I think I had a fever. I thought about our plans for the next few days. I thought, “Oh, no, I have exposed my mother to COVID.” And, I thought, “I won’t be able to go to breakfast this morning and say goodbye to everyone before we leave.” And, “Will we still be able to go on our vacation? Will we have to drive straight home now? Have I ruined everything?”
- At best, half-asleep thoughts are not very coherent. When a rational thought hits my brain, it is not after I just woke up and it is still dark out. I wish I could flip a switch and just turn off the thoughts. Once they start pouring in, I am at their mercy. I tried to cut them off, but acknowledging them only makes them think they are worthy of greater attention.
- The only way to defeat them is to outlast them. When I wake in the morning, I again do my search on COVID symptoms. When I am reminded I also have allergies, the COVID virus recesses again for a few weeks. When I travel, I never seem to drink enough water? Could any of this be dehydration? With a blood donation scheduled for after the election, I will get the bonus of a COVID test. This should set my mind at ease for another few months…or weeks…or days.